We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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