Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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