U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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