i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
