Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
