I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
