I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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