I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
