I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
