it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
