im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
