she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
