i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
