I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
