Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
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It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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