Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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