tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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