you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize