You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
