I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
