Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
