I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
