I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
