Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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