just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
