My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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