Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
