Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
