Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
