Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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