I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You pole danced in your parka.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
