So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
