It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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