you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
