he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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