I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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