Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
