dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
