I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
