its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
