what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
