So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
