Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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