it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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