I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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