so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
