Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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