I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
