Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
