After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
