better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
