so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
