1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
