so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
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"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
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How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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