I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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