I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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