Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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