D3 body, D1 cock
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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