im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
