My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
