I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's blow job season.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
