This is not my ceiling
now i know why i became what i already was.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
