the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
