we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Found the puke drawer
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
