Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize