peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
