it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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