Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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