she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
