Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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