One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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