someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
