the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
