if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
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