My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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