Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
