I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
