Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
