I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
