so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Randomize
