i think my tv is drunk
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
