Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
