Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
