i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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