He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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