so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
